survival

Life is so strange and full of surprises. You don't know who to trust anymore. I remember a time that it was possible to at least depend on a couple good friends and your family.

Now, it is hard to even trust your family when you think about it. Not knowing whether they are going to talk behind your back or give you a bad rap amongst the rest of your family as a whole. My life has been filled with people with the very best intentions trying to help me through the tough things I was going through. I would put myself in some doosies I know, although no one understood my illness, they did support me and I am grateful.

I have came so far in the past 15 yrs. and believe it or not have become very capable of making most decisions on my own. I know when to ask for help and not but, they still question me.

I realize they are just worried about relapse and don't want to see that happen. I feel that my own wellness depends on my being independent and in control of me.

So, I come across hateful sometimes to them and I get aggravated easily when they second guess my decisions.

I don't mean to be that way it is just me trying to stay in control of me and my life. I get real defensive of these things which sometimes I overreact easily to but, I can't help it.

I apologize to these people with all my heart for my reactions sometimes because of these insecurities because of the past. I think sometimes they are war rented though because they are too controlling. Not because they want to be but because they think it is necessary, I love you all friends and family alike and I thank God you were all there when I needed you.

Thanks, nessa