The minute I wake up I have to thank God that I am alive and well. I sometimes forget to do it that very moment that is true but, I always try to do it before the morning is gone away.
I have lived alot of bad memories and shown signs of whithering away. I have wanted to die many times. Why, you say? Well,
I could go into a long drawn out story about how life has treated me unfair! I could just tell you I have been abused and mistreated all my life through on source or another. I could give excuse after excuse for my reasons but, they simply don't seem important anymore. I have moved on from my past and live in the present. I used to dwell on the suicidal thoughts and the depression that made me who I WAS. Now, it just doesn't seem important enough to dwell on.
I live for today and hope for tomorrow, I look for the future in my present hopes and dreams.
I just allow myself to glance over the past from time to time to share with others the mistakes and the acceptance of my past which got me to where I am now. This shows me every time I speak that I have made it just one more day and I am proud of that! Live in the present is my best advice to anyone who is allowing themselves to have a pity party dwelling on past experiences. I know from experience that all it gets you is another day full of sorrow and pain. Think about now and the things that you have. You husband, children, grand kids? whatever that it is that keeps you alive. Today, is just the start of a brand new future. I can tell you it is much more exciting than living in the past.
I pray for each one that reads this that you see a future full of hopes and dreams. I know that God has a plan for you and me. We just have to hold on to what we have, enjoy the things we have, and to thank God for these things everyday. This will lead us to that place where we finally see what God has in store for us here on this earth.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
i still get depressed very often. I spend alot of time bring myself out of a seriously despondent mood. I think the reason for that is I get to a point where I am going at full speed and then I have a set back that attacks my every being.
There are times I can pull myself out really fast and other times that makes it almost impossible for me to breathe for weeks at a time. The thing that seems to help me the most is my family. If they can reach me I usually do well. If they don't see me falling it can be even harder coming through the pain.
It is very painful to look back and see that my progress has fallen apart. This makes it even harder to come alive again.
I have been rather worn out in the past few weeks. Not because of being over worked but because of stress over not being heard.
I have been totally distraught about the idea that some or most have given up on the program. At out NAMI meeting last week no one showed up eccept the president and Eric and myself. So we went ahead and canceled the whole thing.
Has everyone given up because the government has scewed us over?
We have to stand stronger than before and I feel that even though we have to work a little harder we should continue to stand strong in our fight to win this war.
I plan to fight as long as I can and I pray that you will do the same.
I will be sending out invites and miss you emails today and I pray that we can all touch base for a group by at least next month. I realize it is summer but we still need to support the one that keeps us alive.
Strength, support and hope begin when we all stand together. So lets make it know that we are strong and will support our NAMI groups no matter what!
That's my gripe for the day. I will try to be more encouraging the next time I write.
Nessa
There are times I can pull myself out really fast and other times that makes it almost impossible for me to breathe for weeks at a time. The thing that seems to help me the most is my family. If they can reach me I usually do well. If they don't see me falling it can be even harder coming through the pain.
It is very painful to look back and see that my progress has fallen apart. This makes it even harder to come alive again.
I have been rather worn out in the past few weeks. Not because of being over worked but because of stress over not being heard.
I have been totally distraught about the idea that some or most have given up on the program. At out NAMI meeting last week no one showed up eccept the president and Eric and myself. So we went ahead and canceled the whole thing.
Has everyone given up because the government has scewed us over?
We have to stand stronger than before and I feel that even though we have to work a little harder we should continue to stand strong in our fight to win this war.
I plan to fight as long as I can and I pray that you will do the same.
I will be sending out invites and miss you emails today and I pray that we can all touch base for a group by at least next month. I realize it is summer but we still need to support the one that keeps us alive.
Strength, support and hope begin when we all stand together. So lets make it know that we are strong and will support our NAMI groups no matter what!
That's my gripe for the day. I will try to be more encouraging the next time I write.
Nessa
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