There is a very good reason for life experiences, although, when facing them it seems like the end of the world.
There have been times when suicide seemed like the only way out for me. I thought my life wasn't worth it. My children all had serious issues with their progress in life and I felt like a failure as a mother.
I have a son with Asbutgers disease, I thought my bi-polar was bad enough so when this came apparent I lost it. I thought it was my fault and I could have changed the problem (IF) I had just done _____??? I didn't know what but something had to have been my fault.
For years this effected my progress which made more difficult on my children. My older two thought I loved Greg more because i seemed to give him more attention. I always thought that Laura (my oldest) and (Greg) my youngest would think I favored my son (Zack) more. Which, I never loved one of them any more than the other. It just was hard for me to be a mother from the very beginning. I wasn't able to share my love with others in the right way.
Different things have happened over the years that make me look back now, and see that if I hadn't been through these things i wouldn't be the unique person I am today.
I thank God for who I am, This is a new thought process for me. It took me about 40 years to come to like and love who I am. I hope that something I say to someone as I speak out might keep them from waiting and waisting so many years of life and enjoy their children more.
Life is way too short to take for granted. I always heard that but never really knew what it really meant until now.
Thanks for listening,
Sincerely,
Vanessa Hansen
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